Why I still trust Death as my Best Friend !

Why I Still Trust Death as My Best Friend !

This is my very dear and personal story . 

My story begins over 40 years ago ! I was studying medicine in a college in India. It is December 1972 . My final examintion to graduate is in April 1973 . So , we are all in full swing towards wanting to graduate and become medical doctors .

I had this habit of sitting quietly in the mornings . Call it what you like . To me it was a place where I went to be me ! 

Now, suddenly , as I went into this inner space , I felt and saw a strange sort of darkness . It brought a feeling of gloom and doom !

I immediately thought of my dear loving father ! Why of my father, I dont understand . Anyway, I thought it was best to just write a letter and ask my father if he was all right . Now, this the era of slow letter writing and actually posting them ! No mobile phones , email , internet or whatsoever !

My father was a young medical doctor in the island of Borneo . It was part of Malaysia . 

So , it took some time for the letters to go to and fro . The reply came from my father that he was perfectly fine and healthy ! Was waiting for me to finish my final exams . Well , what could I say .

However, as I sat and went into my inner space , the same uncomfortable feeling got even stronger ! What do I do ?! Well , just write again to my father as the feeling always pointed towards him ! 

Waited for the reply .It came back with the same message that he was well! Back to my inner space and now I started to feel very sad and tearful ! Wrote another letter and got the same reply, but now from Kuala Lumpur ! Why was my father in KL ! He told me he was holidaying !

I was getting uncomfortable and worried. I talked to my friends and they just laughed it off as my crazy ways. Spoke to a professor and the same reply to get ready for the exams . It was now nearing April 1973. Exams just a few weeks away !

My inner world was another story ! Something dark and uncomfortable was now practically pushing me to do something ! 

Now , this is really out of context to my way of living. I thought what to do ! Everybody around , including my dear father told me to study and go for my exams .

As irrational as it may seem or sound , I actually packed my bag and ran away from my college one dark night !!

I was in a place called Poona which was not far from the than Bombay ! ( now both cities are called Pune and Mumbai )

Ask me not , how i managed to get a flight back to KL.

As I arrived in KL , my father with my family were at the airport to recieve me . It was an old style or ritual to come to airports in numbers to recieve a loved one!

Father appeared pleased to see me ! Infact , all seem pleased and  happy . No major drama from anyone why I have ran away and left my final medical college examinations !!

To cut the story short, the next day I asked my father why he looked weak ? He smiled and told me to see if I can take a medical history to  see what was wrong with him !!? 

Okay ! So , let the game begin! 

In no time I was able to diagnosis that my dear loving father at the wonderful age of 49 years was dying of Leukemia ( Blood Cancer ).

How is that to the mystery of the inner world and the outer world !

My dear father died two (2) months after that !!

That is enough for now !

Now why should I not trust my inner friends !

Amar.